Ouch

Sunday June 15th, 2008. What a night. Party at the Gray's house after Sr. Youth. It was pretty sweet. Some nice chilling' out, swimming, chatting, all that good stuff. Casper was there and we were joking around and talking and stuff and it was a really fun time. Suddenly, out of nowhere, God (I'm pretty sure it was God) smacked me in the face with some of my biggest faults all at once. It was literally breathtaking in the worst way possible. This kid, TV let's call him, started playing the piano, and he's amazing because he has been playing forever. Everyone is like, "TV, you're so amazing!" Normally this, in all truthfulness, would not bother me. I don't play piano much, so I didn't really care. Then he grabbed a guitar and started playing. Now (please, as cocky as this sounds, try to understand why I'm saying this), he's openly admitted to not being as skilled as me on guitar, and seriously, he isn't. But then he started playing this song called "Drifting" by Andy McKee that he can play a couple lines from, but it sounds really cool. So everyone was crowding around and they're all like, "OH, you're soo good! That's amazing!", and all that. That's when I started flipping (on the inside that is. I never, ever let that stuff show on the outside.) Thank God my mom called and told us it was getting late and it was time to come home. I wanted to scream!

So my bro and I finally left, but then Casper and my buddy CJ needed rides, so we took them. I'm totally cool with that because Casper's amazing, and CJ is a favourite. So we're driving home and they're all talking, and at one point, Casper said something like, "Haha, I never knew DDS (my brother) was soo funny." I knew she wasn't like hitting on him or anything, but you know how it is when you like a girl (like crazy in this case) and they talk like that about another guy. And it's even worse when it's your brother who is her age, he drives, and I know he used to like her. So at this point I'm like dying. Then they started talking about the Casino and everything, and Casper says to my brother, "DDS, we should go to the Casino buffet when we're 19. I hear it's really nice." Ohh, dear God, kill me! Seriously, I think I would've rather jumped out of the moving car than stay for the rest of that drive. So that night sucked. Because of it, I could barely sleep all night, I was dead tired the next day at school, my head hurt all day long.

Then to make it even worse, during lunch at school, this really good guitar player at our school got to set up his amp during lunch in the atrium and just shred, and it was a featured event? What the heck is that? And everyone gathered around and they're like, "Man, he's good, eh?" He is better than me, but still. How come I never get asked to do these things? Even when they have special live music for events, no one ever asks us. I don't know, it was just really frustrating.

As a result, unless it's for youth, church, or a gig, I'm not gonna play guitar in front of people anymore. I've obviously got some pride and jealousy issues to deal with, so maybe I'll just stay in my room all the time, practice guitar until I get unbelievable, and then go off to music school, forget about everything here, and make a career off being an amazing guitar player/teacher. Sounds good to me.

GodBless
TSharr