Haven't written since June. Crazzyyy!
The missions trip was fun. Lots of new relationships, lotsa fun, and lots of self-identification. I recognized alot of my failures and shortcomings, along with alot of my strengths. I wish to go back for at least one more time before I consider anywhere else. Some unfinished business I have to take care of. And to the reader, if you've never been on a missions trip, I strongly recommend it!
Well, since June and the missions trip, things went down with Casper. Alot of it was my fault, some hers. Actually I can't even really say who's fault it was, in any fairness. It just went down. It's an extremely long and unnecessary story, were I to recap since June, so I won't. Point being, I didn't think it would ever happen.....but good news.......
.......I was right! Sure it went down for a while, but things are going very very well as I write to you write now. I'm starting it over with a different approach. I'll move at her pace, and be her friend and supporter to the best of my ability, especially since University is just around the corner for her. Sometimes I wish I was her age. We would be more equalized on more things, I would be able to drive her places (just a few more months!!!). Plus, I know it has to be difficult for her to like a boy a year younger than her. It doesn't happen often, you know?
Man, alot of stuff has happened in the past few months. I read my previous posts, and alot of them sound really, really retarded. Haha. In other news, I'm just about an honour roll student in school (Comp. Engineering, Anthro/Soc/Psych, Bio, and Law), I'm playing guitar in a musical at my school (HSM 1) and a musical at my church (I think it's called "The Christmas shoes). I'm still playing/leading at youth (Jr. and Sr. high), playing Sunday mornings at church, and I'm writing more songs lately.
Anyways, more updates to come, hopefully.
I'm writing a song currently. But not just any song. A song I'm so far proud of. A heartfelt song. One where I actually like the lyrics that I wrote, which is very rare.
TSharr
Monday, November 17, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Marathon of ____
June 24th, 2008, I hosted a Lord of the Rings Marathon at my house. It was really cool! We watched all three of them. We started at 1:00pm and went until 2-2:30ish. It was really cool. There was alot of swimming, hanging out, eating, talking, relaxing, and movie watching with all of my favourite people. Casper was there too, and man that night was awesome.
Once the third movie came on, Casper had already snuck my birthday present in my room. So I went in during the movie to open it. It was really cool. As childish as it sounds, she and her amazing cousin, let's call her Hertzmyster, got me a Build-a-Bear with an acoustic guitar, Converse chucks, and sunglasses. I don't even care if it's childish, I think it's freakin' sweet. Anyways, so at one point she went to get up to go outside or something with her friend, SG. So as she walked by I kind of pulled her into my room and said thanks and all that. Then we went outside and layed on my road and looked at the stars. Just the two of us. It was awesome. We had some nice discussions about liking each other, school, future, etc. Such a valuable time with her.
Then we went back in and watched the movie for the next few hours. We were laying on the floor together. At one point we got pretty close. I was gently stroking her hands and holding them and all that. So many times we just got to lay there and look into each others eyes. I got to tell her how beautiful she is and she told me how much she likes me, how cute I am, and how I'm a keeper. We talked a bit about possibly dating and all that. It was really nice. I took her hand and brought her fingers to my lips and gently kissed them. These conversations roughly followed:
#1
Casper- "You really like kissing my fingers, don't you?"
Tyler- "Mmm. When do I get to kiss you?"
Casper- "I dunno. I've never kissed a boy before."
Tyler- "It's not hard, but it's very special. The only thing you have to really think about is that you're going to have to say for the rest of your life that I was your first kiss."
Casper- "Yeah, true. That's not a bad thing. I'm pretty sure you'll be my first kiss. Does that make you feel special?"
Tyler- "Extremely."
Casper- "Good, because you are special."
#2 (Ps. These wonderful intimate times are often spread apart by monthly intervals)
Casper- "You know this probably won't happen again for a long time."
Tyler- "(Sadly) Yea, I know. It sucks. But maybe it's better in small doses."
Casper- "Yeah, maybe. Makes it more special. Do you think it's wierd that we have siblings in the room?"
Tyler- "A little bit. I think they're old enough to get it. Lol."
For those on the edge of your seat, no we did not brush lips. I'm willing to be as patient as I have to be. But Casper, (8) I just can't wait to call you mine! (8). She's amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GodBless
TSharr
Once the third movie came on, Casper had already snuck my birthday present in my room. So I went in during the movie to open it. It was really cool. As childish as it sounds, she and her amazing cousin, let's call her Hertzmyster, got me a Build-a-Bear with an acoustic guitar, Converse chucks, and sunglasses. I don't even care if it's childish, I think it's freakin' sweet. Anyways, so at one point she went to get up to go outside or something with her friend, SG. So as she walked by I kind of pulled her into my room and said thanks and all that. Then we went outside and layed on my road and looked at the stars. Just the two of us. It was awesome. We had some nice discussions about liking each other, school, future, etc. Such a valuable time with her.
Then we went back in and watched the movie for the next few hours. We were laying on the floor together. At one point we got pretty close. I was gently stroking her hands and holding them and all that. So many times we just got to lay there and look into each others eyes. I got to tell her how beautiful she is and she told me how much she likes me, how cute I am, and how I'm a keeper. We talked a bit about possibly dating and all that. It was really nice. I took her hand and brought her fingers to my lips and gently kissed them. These conversations roughly followed:
#1
Casper- "You really like kissing my fingers, don't you?"
Tyler- "Mmm. When do I get to kiss you?"
Casper- "I dunno. I've never kissed a boy before."
Tyler- "It's not hard, but it's very special. The only thing you have to really think about is that you're going to have to say for the rest of your life that I was your first kiss."
Casper- "Yeah, true. That's not a bad thing. I'm pretty sure you'll be my first kiss. Does that make you feel special?"
Tyler- "Extremely."
Casper- "Good, because you are special."
#2 (Ps. These wonderful intimate times are often spread apart by monthly intervals)
Casper- "You know this probably won't happen again for a long time."
Tyler- "(Sadly) Yea, I know. It sucks. But maybe it's better in small doses."
Casper- "Yeah, maybe. Makes it more special. Do you think it's wierd that we have siblings in the room?"
Tyler- "A little bit. I think they're old enough to get it. Lol."
For those on the edge of your seat, no we did not brush lips. I'm willing to be as patient as I have to be. But Casper, (8) I just can't wait to call you mine! (8). She's amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GodBless
TSharr
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Ouch
Sunday June 15th, 2008. What a night. Party at the Gray's house after Sr. Youth. It was pretty sweet. Some nice chilling' out, swimming, chatting, all that good stuff. Casper was there and we were joking around and talking and stuff and it was a really fun time. Suddenly, out of nowhere, God (I'm pretty sure it was God) smacked me in the face with some of my biggest faults all at once. It was literally breathtaking in the worst way possible. This kid, TV let's call him, started playing the piano, and he's amazing because he has been playing forever. Everyone is like, "TV, you're so amazing!" Normally this, in all truthfulness, would not bother me. I don't play piano much, so I didn't really care. Then he grabbed a guitar and started playing. Now (please, as cocky as this sounds, try to understand why I'm saying this), he's openly admitted to not being as skilled as me on guitar, and seriously, he isn't. But then he started playing this song called "Drifting" by Andy McKee that he can play a couple lines from, but it sounds really cool. So everyone was crowding around and they're all like, "OH, you're soo good! That's amazing!", and all that. That's when I started flipping (on the inside that is. I never, ever let that stuff show on the outside.) Thank God my mom called and told us it was getting late and it was time to come home. I wanted to scream!
So my bro and I finally left, but then Casper and my buddy CJ needed rides, so we took them. I'm totally cool with that because Casper's amazing, and CJ is a favourite. So we're driving home and they're all talking, and at one point, Casper said something like, "Haha, I never knew DDS (my brother) was soo funny." I knew she wasn't like hitting on him or anything, but you know how it is when you like a girl (like crazy in this case) and they talk like that about another guy. And it's even worse when it's your brother who is her age, he drives, and I know he used to like her. So at this point I'm like dying. Then they started talking about the Casino and everything, and Casper says to my brother, "DDS, we should go to the Casino buffet when we're 19. I hear it's really nice." Ohh, dear God, kill me! Seriously, I think I would've rather jumped out of the moving car than stay for the rest of that drive. So that night sucked. Because of it, I could barely sleep all night, I was dead tired the next day at school, my head hurt all day long.
Then to make it even worse, during lunch at school, this really good guitar player at our school got to set up his amp during lunch in the atrium and just shred, and it was a featured event? What the heck is that? And everyone gathered around and they're like, "Man, he's good, eh?" He is better than me, but still. How come I never get asked to do these things? Even when they have special live music for events, no one ever asks us. I don't know, it was just really frustrating.
As a result, unless it's for youth, church, or a gig, I'm not gonna play guitar in front of people anymore. I've obviously got some pride and jealousy issues to deal with, so maybe I'll just stay in my room all the time, practice guitar until I get unbelievable, and then go off to music school, forget about everything here, and make a career off being an amazing guitar player/teacher. Sounds good to me.
GodBless
TSharr
So my bro and I finally left, but then Casper and my buddy CJ needed rides, so we took them. I'm totally cool with that because Casper's amazing, and CJ is a favourite. So we're driving home and they're all talking, and at one point, Casper said something like, "Haha, I never knew DDS (my brother) was soo funny." I knew she wasn't like hitting on him or anything, but you know how it is when you like a girl (like crazy in this case) and they talk like that about another guy. And it's even worse when it's your brother who is her age, he drives, and I know he used to like her. So at this point I'm like dying. Then they started talking about the Casino and everything, and Casper says to my brother, "DDS, we should go to the Casino buffet when we're 19. I hear it's really nice." Ohh, dear God, kill me! Seriously, I think I would've rather jumped out of the moving car than stay for the rest of that drive. So that night sucked. Because of it, I could barely sleep all night, I was dead tired the next day at school, my head hurt all day long.
Then to make it even worse, during lunch at school, this really good guitar player at our school got to set up his amp during lunch in the atrium and just shred, and it was a featured event? What the heck is that? And everyone gathered around and they're like, "Man, he's good, eh?" He is better than me, but still. How come I never get asked to do these things? Even when they have special live music for events, no one ever asks us. I don't know, it was just really frustrating.
As a result, unless it's for youth, church, or a gig, I'm not gonna play guitar in front of people anymore. I've obviously got some pride and jealousy issues to deal with, so maybe I'll just stay in my room all the time, practice guitar until I get unbelievable, and then go off to music school, forget about everything here, and make a career off being an amazing guitar player/teacher. Sounds good to me.
GodBless
TSharr
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Only a Dream
How can any young man order one's thoughts after such radical happenings?
For not one day's time ago, I was engulfed in her presence and mine too long enduring strife cured had been.
***
After slowly drifting into the nocturnal bliss brought by the rising of the pale, glass moon
She came to me.
Like an angel she is.
As I followed my weekly chore's bidding, I spoke to her most favoured, most beloved relative.
Her beautiful voice was crooning in the background as we spoke.
I confided in her trusted confidant about the sheer angelic beauty of her song.
Yet, her cousin pressed certain similar matters of which I hath only dreamed.
We concluded our conversation and returned to the morning sun's side of the hall.
There I sat with my various fellows discussing various trials and rewards of life.
As I listened to them speak, this earthly angel of which I speak came to my side.
My heart kicked with excitement, as was the usual working of the ecstasy caused by her presence.
There, I leaned towards her to compliment her on the majesty of her voice,
Then it happened.
Before one word would release itself from my lips, she leaned in and oh so gently brushed her lips against mine.
It was a dream within a dream!
It was as if when she kissed me, she stole my breath away.
She stole my heart away.
I was empty and full at the same time.
Oh, how my heart absolutely screamed for more.
As she gracefully went to stand back up, I grasped her arm, my fingers clinging to her fair skin.
Silently, I begged for more, from the deepest pit of my heart, I yearned for more.
And out of her beautiful, wonderful, graceful heart, she returned her lips to mine, once again.
Gently and warmly they pressed to mine.
In this moment, no one around mattered.
It was but her and I,
Sharing this gift God had so cleverly created.
...
Then I awoke.
***
**
*
This is seriously a dream I had as I slept last night. One from which I was devastated to wake.
Man, if this never works out, someone has really been messing with my head.
God Bless
TSharr
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Religion Retreat Reflection
This past Tuesday, I embarked on a journey with my Grade 10 Religion class to a little camp called "Gestwood" on the outskirts of our town. It was pretty cool because I used to go there for summer camp and it brought back good memories. As part of the retreat, we were to end opening prayer with a completely silent nature walk in the forest; some alone time with just you and God. This was awesome! In all my years going to Catholic schools, I had never felt like I had ever actually connected with God until that day (Tuesday, May 6th, 2008). The next day in class we were asked to write a reflection on it, and here's what came out:
This call to be silent was a very good idea at a very appropriate time for me. In the relentless, "always doing something" phase that I'm going through, and the seemingly always melancholy attitudes displayed by many around me, and in turn affecting myself, such placidity was more than wonderful - it was sacred. Even though in this silence I did not discover all the answers to my future (which was the focus of the walk), the warm and benign touch of God quelled my soul until I was left feeling relaxed and serene, and totally connected to him.
I wanted to focus on what God required of me concerning my future, yet I was feeling called to turn my attention to something else. I have certain propensities to always keep myself busy, but this day, God wanted me to slow down. He wanted me to understand that even though I have various commitments to school work, church, music, and friend, he needs a commitment as well. He was teaching me that even though it seems like I have little time for myself, and adding personal time for him would only further fill my already packed schedule, it would surely be for my benefit, and I'm going to trust that. After all, I serve an infallible God.
God certainly has a formidable teaching method. He's often subtle in this method, yet I'm slowly but surely acquiring the knowledge to decode his enigmas... with his help, of course. I aspire to be able to fully trust him to the point of perfect acquiesence, yet I know I will often fall short. Luckily, my God is a merciful one and he knows I'm the furthest thing from perfect. He spoke to me in this silence, as he did to Elijah in the cave. I heard his voice in the birds and the rustling of the leaves. I felt his breath in the gentle breeze as I walked along the nature trail.
In a sense, this was the loudest silence I had ever experienced, even though that sounds somewhat asinine. No, I didn't hear an audible voice, and no, I didn't see a divine apparition of the Son of Man descending from Heaven. But I felt God and somehow I understood what he wanted of me. I need him, but he also has a desperate want for me. He feels sorrow for the times when I don't consult him in the midst of a storm or a crucial decision, or when I lay myself to sleep without speaking to him. I serve a God who desires to have a relationship with me, his child. I think from now on, I'm going to try harder. I'm going to make a conscious effort to speak to him and be with him. After all, this God died for me to live, and I can't even spend 5 minutes with him? Something's not right here.
TSharr
God Bless
This call to be silent was a very good idea at a very appropriate time for me. In the relentless, "always doing something" phase that I'm going through, and the seemingly always melancholy attitudes displayed by many around me, and in turn affecting myself, such placidity was more than wonderful - it was sacred. Even though in this silence I did not discover all the answers to my future (which was the focus of the walk), the warm and benign touch of God quelled my soul until I was left feeling relaxed and serene, and totally connected to him.
I wanted to focus on what God required of me concerning my future, yet I was feeling called to turn my attention to something else. I have certain propensities to always keep myself busy, but this day, God wanted me to slow down. He wanted me to understand that even though I have various commitments to school work, church, music, and friend, he needs a commitment as well. He was teaching me that even though it seems like I have little time for myself, and adding personal time for him would only further fill my already packed schedule, it would surely be for my benefit, and I'm going to trust that. After all, I serve an infallible God.
God certainly has a formidable teaching method. He's often subtle in this method, yet I'm slowly but surely acquiring the knowledge to decode his enigmas... with his help, of course. I aspire to be able to fully trust him to the point of perfect acquiesence, yet I know I will often fall short. Luckily, my God is a merciful one and he knows I'm the furthest thing from perfect. He spoke to me in this silence, as he did to Elijah in the cave. I heard his voice in the birds and the rustling of the leaves. I felt his breath in the gentle breeze as I walked along the nature trail.
In a sense, this was the loudest silence I had ever experienced, even though that sounds somewhat asinine. No, I didn't hear an audible voice, and no, I didn't see a divine apparition of the Son of Man descending from Heaven. But I felt God and somehow I understood what he wanted of me. I need him, but he also has a desperate want for me. He feels sorrow for the times when I don't consult him in the midst of a storm or a crucial decision, or when I lay myself to sleep without speaking to him. I serve a God who desires to have a relationship with me, his child. I think from now on, I'm going to try harder. I'm going to make a conscious effort to speak to him and be with him. After all, this God died for me to live, and I can't even spend 5 minutes with him? Something's not right here.
TSharr
God Bless
Monday, April 28, 2008
Humility, Failure, and the Bright Side
Sunday, April 27th, 2008... or last night. It's gonna be a cornerstone in my life for a while. One of my most personally recognized failures was last night. I was given the opportunity to lead worship with a friend at my youth group... the Sr. High portion, which is high school kids and up. My only being in grade 10, I was honoured and excited beyond belief. And I even decided to do a new song that had been on my heart for a long time, along with a few other new songs (and no this is not me being prideful or boastful). I really felt on fire for God and ready to lead in worship that night, and just from the beginning of the night, my friend CP had really been building up this evening and inviting God's presence into the night. Anyways, you get what I'm saying. I was anticipating alot.
So the night starts, the new song practically went perfect, as well as all of the other songs. I guess our pastor even wanted me to take the set a bit longer, but I missed the signal. And after the sermon, we came up and played the slow set, and after the slow songs, he came up, talked a bit more, and got us to play the new song again because I guess it really fit in with what he was saying. So, the night went quite well.
When I was talking to our pastor a long time ago about the possibility of leading worship, from day one it was stressed heavily that pride is always a great issue. I understood perfectly, and I try not to think of myself as good at anything, honestly. So, I just figured it would be an issue that I would never have a problem with. Boy, was I wrong.
That night afterwards, people were telling me,"Good job," and I was taking it well, giving the glory to Jesus, not myself, as it should've been done. And you're probably thinking that I went out later that night and talked myself up alot or whatever, but I didn't. It was simply the way that later that night, when everyone went to McDonalds, I felt bigger than all of them. Like I was better. Like I was too big to be at McDonalds with all of my friends! Even with Casper, who was also there! As dumb as it sounds, I felt like I should've been out cruisin' and partyin' with a bunch of important people with a girl under my arm, you know? You ever had that feeling?
(Continuing on April 30th, 2008, or today) I feel so stupid even talking about it, but it was the worse way to end my first night of Sr. High worship. I was given an amazing opportunity, and even though on the outside it was a success, in my heart I felt that I had failed immensely. I don't have a reason why, but lately I have been feeling that I'm a failure at everything. I'm a failure in my relationships with people, I'm a constant failure when it comes to trying to lose weight, I'm a failure with Casper (no, don't worry. Things haven't taken a turn for the worst), I'm a failure with my worship, I'm a failure with my own personal music (seriously, I have to try so hard to even write an intro or something lately, never mind lyrics... that's a whole other realm which I have not even tapped into), I'm a failure in my financial/employment situation, and the list goes on. I don't know if maybe I'm just in a downtime or something, but I feel good for nothing.
I thought I had it all figured. "Staying humble to lead worship? No problem!" But I had to go and screw that up, too. Jeez. I hope I can get sick soon so that I can just stay home all day and think.... or write music. Something that involves being alone, not having to do something every day of the week, and some good old, beautiful quiet (unless it's my own music shattering such placidity).
On a lighter note, Casper's birthday is in 4 days (depending on how you count) and I'm buying her a season of Walker Texas Ranger (which I'm confident she loves!), along with a cheesy little poem I have yet to write up. She's going away to Muskoka for a week or so.... I'm gonna miss her like crazy! Then I think she's going somewhere else right after she gets back, which would suck because I'm barely gonna see her for like half of May. But as long as she's happy and having fun, that's fine with me. She's indescribable, unfathomable, beautiful (p.s. she died her hair, and its totally hawttt... not to say that she wasnt insanely beautiful before, but....), funny, and she lights up my every day, no word of a lie. (8) I'll miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing (8)
Anyways, I'm out.
TSharr
God Bless
So the night starts, the new song practically went perfect, as well as all of the other songs. I guess our pastor even wanted me to take the set a bit longer, but I missed the signal. And after the sermon, we came up and played the slow set, and after the slow songs, he came up, talked a bit more, and got us to play the new song again because I guess it really fit in with what he was saying. So, the night went quite well.
When I was talking to our pastor a long time ago about the possibility of leading worship, from day one it was stressed heavily that pride is always a great issue. I understood perfectly, and I try not to think of myself as good at anything, honestly. So, I just figured it would be an issue that I would never have a problem with. Boy, was I wrong.
That night afterwards, people were telling me,"Good job," and I was taking it well, giving the glory to Jesus, not myself, as it should've been done. And you're probably thinking that I went out later that night and talked myself up alot or whatever, but I didn't. It was simply the way that later that night, when everyone went to McDonalds, I felt bigger than all of them. Like I was better. Like I was too big to be at McDonalds with all of my friends! Even with Casper, who was also there! As dumb as it sounds, I felt like I should've been out cruisin' and partyin' with a bunch of important people with a girl under my arm, you know? You ever had that feeling?
(Continuing on April 30th, 2008, or today) I feel so stupid even talking about it, but it was the worse way to end my first night of Sr. High worship. I was given an amazing opportunity, and even though on the outside it was a success, in my heart I felt that I had failed immensely. I don't have a reason why, but lately I have been feeling that I'm a failure at everything. I'm a failure in my relationships with people, I'm a constant failure when it comes to trying to lose weight, I'm a failure with Casper (no, don't worry. Things haven't taken a turn for the worst), I'm a failure with my worship, I'm a failure with my own personal music (seriously, I have to try so hard to even write an intro or something lately, never mind lyrics... that's a whole other realm which I have not even tapped into), I'm a failure in my financial/employment situation, and the list goes on. I don't know if maybe I'm just in a downtime or something, but I feel good for nothing.
I thought I had it all figured. "Staying humble to lead worship? No problem!" But I had to go and screw that up, too. Jeez. I hope I can get sick soon so that I can just stay home all day and think.... or write music. Something that involves being alone, not having to do something every day of the week, and some good old, beautiful quiet (unless it's my own music shattering such placidity).
On a lighter note, Casper's birthday is in 4 days (depending on how you count) and I'm buying her a season of Walker Texas Ranger (which I'm confident she loves!), along with a cheesy little poem I have yet to write up. She's going away to Muskoka for a week or so.... I'm gonna miss her like crazy! Then I think she's going somewhere else right after she gets back, which would suck because I'm barely gonna see her for like half of May. But as long as she's happy and having fun, that's fine with me. She's indescribable, unfathomable, beautiful (p.s. she died her hair, and its totally hawttt... not to say that she wasnt insanely beautiful before, but....), funny, and she lights up my every day, no word of a lie. (8) I'll miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing (8)
Anyways, I'm out.
TSharr
God Bless
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Back to you
Hey everyone! So I don't think this blog is going to be very long. Then again, maybe I'll get going and it'll be very long..... so who knows? Welcome to the unknown.
First off, I just want to talk about Casper for a while. My first post was all about the negative experiences I was having with her, but this time I'm gonna dwell more on the positives. When I made this blog, part of it was because there was just a span of a few weeks in March where I just wasn't very happy. Alot of things were getting to me. However, I then began to realize that I'm so lucky to have this girl in my life... soooo lucky! And the more I would have a positive attitude about it, the better I felt about everything. I started becoming more like my normal, happy, somewhat talkative self, and I could see that it made her happier, too. We talk alot more like best friends rather than nervous, "I-have-a-crush-on-you," type people. We've kind of discussed the situation and we've agreed that dating right now might just lead to a bitter ending, especially because of age, time, and school, amongst other things. And I truly believe God's hand is on this relationship. Like, if there's one thing that gives me the most faith in God right now, it's how openly He's been working and revealing himself in our relationship. No lie.... it's stunning. But if we wait 'til we're older (which even though it's going to be hard, I'm more than willing to do), I feel everything will work out. And who knows- maybe she's the one? (Bold statement, I know) I like this girl to the point of sickness at her absence and dreams of her multiple times a week. I don't ever want to hurt her, disappoint her, lie to her, or lose her. I want to be able to be her best friend, to hold her when she's sad, to show her love when she feels abandoned, sad, disappointed, etc, even if it's just friendly love. (8) I know a girl, and she puts the colour inside of my world. (8)
Also, we had a gig this past Friday at a pub called "Pickles" out in the boonies. We were playing blues/jazz dinner music. The gig went sooooo well and it's all on tape :). The venue was awesome, too. There was a dance floor, big mirrors, a couple bars, pool tables, this little elevated staged with big, comfy chairs, and this little VIP-styled room in the back where all the musicians chilled. The gig went awesome and it was just a good time of chillin' with friends, getting compliments (:P), talking about music, and meeting new musicians. I want to do this alot more..... it's sooo fun. Once I get a car and my G2, it'll be even better. I'll be able to go out after and chill, and hey, maybe I could even bring Casper along. Ha! Calling her Casper for so long is wierd. I'm afraid I'll accidentally call her that when I'm talking to her.... that would be wierd. Oh, and I have this friend at school, and her birthday is coming up in May, and she's having a big bash out at her grandparents barn with like 30-40 people, and she wants us to play! I'm so excited! That's one of my dream venues, no lie! I'm pumped! (8) I'm so happy, feelin' snappy! My life is rosey, n' I'm feeling comfy-cozy!(8)
Anyways, I don't even know if anyone reads these, but if you do, thanks for listening. God Bless!
TSharr
First off, I just want to talk about Casper for a while. My first post was all about the negative experiences I was having with her, but this time I'm gonna dwell more on the positives. When I made this blog, part of it was because there was just a span of a few weeks in March where I just wasn't very happy. Alot of things were getting to me. However, I then began to realize that I'm so lucky to have this girl in my life... soooo lucky! And the more I would have a positive attitude about it, the better I felt about everything. I started becoming more like my normal, happy, somewhat talkative self, and I could see that it made her happier, too. We talk alot more like best friends rather than nervous, "I-have-a-crush-on-you," type people. We've kind of discussed the situation and we've agreed that dating right now might just lead to a bitter ending, especially because of age, time, and school, amongst other things. And I truly believe God's hand is on this relationship. Like, if there's one thing that gives me the most faith in God right now, it's how openly He's been working and revealing himself in our relationship. No lie.... it's stunning. But if we wait 'til we're older (which even though it's going to be hard, I'm more than willing to do), I feel everything will work out. And who knows- maybe she's the one? (Bold statement, I know) I like this girl to the point of sickness at her absence and dreams of her multiple times a week. I don't ever want to hurt her, disappoint her, lie to her, or lose her. I want to be able to be her best friend, to hold her when she's sad, to show her love when she feels abandoned, sad, disappointed, etc, even if it's just friendly love. (8) I know a girl, and she puts the colour inside of my world. (8)
Also, we had a gig this past Friday at a pub called "Pickles" out in the boonies. We were playing blues/jazz dinner music. The gig went sooooo well and it's all on tape :). The venue was awesome, too. There was a dance floor, big mirrors, a couple bars, pool tables, this little elevated staged with big, comfy chairs, and this little VIP-styled room in the back where all the musicians chilled. The gig went awesome and it was just a good time of chillin' with friends, getting compliments (:P), talking about music, and meeting new musicians. I want to do this alot more..... it's sooo fun. Once I get a car and my G2, it'll be even better. I'll be able to go out after and chill, and hey, maybe I could even bring Casper along. Ha! Calling her Casper for so long is wierd. I'm afraid I'll accidentally call her that when I'm talking to her.... that would be wierd. Oh, and I have this friend at school, and her birthday is coming up in May, and she's having a big bash out at her grandparents barn with like 30-40 people, and she wants us to play! I'm so excited! That's one of my dream venues, no lie! I'm pumped! (8) I'm so happy, feelin' snappy! My life is rosey, n' I'm feeling comfy-cozy!(8)
Anyways, I don't even know if anyone reads these, but if you do, thanks for listening. God Bless!
TSharr
Monday, March 17, 2008
Golgotha
This is in reference to a sermon this past week given by my Sr. Youth pastor, PDG (again, I don't want to breach any crazy privacy laws or anything). These are my rough notes along with some additional commentary on the crucifixion of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, and the history of crucifixion altogether.
-Via Delorosa = the Road to Golgotha that Jesus walked with a 100lb cross on his back. Approximately 650 yards (or 6.5 football fields).
What really happened at the cross (Physically and Spiritually)?
The History of Crucifixion...
-Invented by Persians 500 years before the birth of Jesus.
-Perfected by the Romans
-Hitler crucified Jews
-Still happens today
-It's quite possibly the worst death consequence
What would people endure during crucifixion?
-Intense beating and flogging
-Ridicule and mocking
-Made to carry cross
-5-7 inch through hands, wrists and/or feet
-Intense convulsions, defecation and urination (basically total loss of bladder and bowels), weeping
-They wouldn't die from blood loss or beating, but asphyxiation (or suffocation)
-The word "excruciating" was invented to describe crucifixion and it literally translates to "from the cross"
-Eventually, the victim would stop holding their body up and suffocate to death on the cross
-The Romans put up a board for the victim to sit on so that they couldn't suffocate, but suffer longer
-Men would bend their backs in such a way so that they would either break their own backs and die quicker, or they would get off the chair and suffocate. To prevent such things, the Romans would take a spike and nail the men to the wooden blocks by their penis so that they couldn't escape.
How is this a good thing?
1) Jesus is alone without sin (John 8:46, Hebrews 4:15)
2) We ALL have sin (Romans 3:23)
3) The result of sin is death (Genesis 2:16-17)
4) Jesus didn't just die for our sin... Jesus became our sin.
2 Corinthians 5:21 (NLT)- For God made Christ, who never sinned, to become our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.
In that moment on the cross, Jesus became the worst in all of us. He became the worst of us and had it put to death.
Martin Luther- The Great Exchange: Jesus became the sacrifice, the spotless lamb to the slaughter (in reference to the animal sacrifices done to be forgiven of sin before Jesus Christ came to be the ultimate sacrifice). He died in our place for our sins.
Jesus lived the life that we could never have lived, and he died the death that we all deserve.
In these next passages, if you do end up reading them (strongly recommended), note the keyword "for."
-Isaiah 53:5 (*Note: this verse is prophetic, as it was written many years before Jesus came to earth)
-Romans 4:25
-Romans 5:8
-1 Peter 3:18
However, all of this in no way is your "get to Heaven free" pass... we must personally accept Jesus into our hearts, minds, souls and lives. He did this for us!!!
The cry of my heart is the same as that of the thief who died next to Jesus...
"God, as you enter your Kingdom, remember me."
That day, my Father, my Friend, my God was put to death. How can we believe this and not be moved? The cross is horrific. The problem is sin, and the answer is Jesus.
The bottom line is, He did this all just because he loves us... you, me, everyone. He just wants us to be able to spend eternity with Him. To be able to hug Him, chill with Him, talk with Him, and all that amazing stuff in Heaven! He died quite possibly the worst death just so that us, dorky little screwups could be with Him. All we have to do is listen to Him, acknowledge Him in our day to day living, and be His friend, His co-worker, His employee. Accept Him... He has already accepted you, and He's calling you to Him.
All for us. (8)Your body's the bread, and your blood is the wine because you traded your life for mine(8) (Sea of Faces, Kutless).
Anyways, this is incredibly long... regardless, I hope this means something to someone else other than myself out there. Take the time to read this. It's worth it ;)
Thanks PDG for this amazing sermon and an awesome evening (Sunday, March 16th, 2008)
God Bless!!!!
Love is the movement!
TSharr
-Via Delorosa = the Road to Golgotha that Jesus walked with a 100lb cross on his back. Approximately 650 yards (or 6.5 football fields).
What really happened at the cross (Physically and Spiritually)?
The History of Crucifixion...
-Invented by Persians 500 years before the birth of Jesus.
-Perfected by the Romans
-Hitler crucified Jews
-Still happens today
-It's quite possibly the worst death consequence
What would people endure during crucifixion?
-Intense beating and flogging
-Ridicule and mocking
-Made to carry cross
-5-7 inch through hands, wrists and/or feet
-Intense convulsions, defecation and urination (basically total loss of bladder and bowels), weeping
-They wouldn't die from blood loss or beating, but asphyxiation (or suffocation)
-The word "excruciating" was invented to describe crucifixion and it literally translates to "from the cross"
-Eventually, the victim would stop holding their body up and suffocate to death on the cross
-The Romans put up a board for the victim to sit on so that they couldn't suffocate, but suffer longer
-Men would bend their backs in such a way so that they would either break their own backs and die quicker, or they would get off the chair and suffocate. To prevent such things, the Romans would take a spike and nail the men to the wooden blocks by their penis so that they couldn't escape.
How is this a good thing?
1) Jesus is alone without sin (John 8:46, Hebrews 4:15)
2) We ALL have sin (Romans 3:23)
3) The result of sin is death (Genesis 2:16-17)
4) Jesus didn't just die for our sin... Jesus became our sin.
2 Corinthians 5:21 (NLT)- For God made Christ, who never sinned, to become our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.
In that moment on the cross, Jesus became the worst in all of us. He became the worst of us and had it put to death.
Martin Luther- The Great Exchange: Jesus became the sacrifice, the spotless lamb to the slaughter (in reference to the animal sacrifices done to be forgiven of sin before Jesus Christ came to be the ultimate sacrifice). He died in our place for our sins.
Jesus lived the life that we could never have lived, and he died the death that we all deserve.
In these next passages, if you do end up reading them (strongly recommended), note the keyword "for."
-Isaiah 53:5 (*Note: this verse is prophetic, as it was written many years before Jesus came to earth)
-Romans 4:25
-Romans 5:8
-1 Peter 3:18
However, all of this in no way is your "get to Heaven free" pass... we must personally accept Jesus into our hearts, minds, souls and lives. He did this for us!!!
The cry of my heart is the same as that of the thief who died next to Jesus...
"God, as you enter your Kingdom, remember me."
That day, my Father, my Friend, my God was put to death. How can we believe this and not be moved? The cross is horrific. The problem is sin, and the answer is Jesus.
The bottom line is, He did this all just because he loves us... you, me, everyone. He just wants us to be able to spend eternity with Him. To be able to hug Him, chill with Him, talk with Him, and all that amazing stuff in Heaven! He died quite possibly the worst death just so that us, dorky little screwups could be with Him. All we have to do is listen to Him, acknowledge Him in our day to day living, and be His friend, His co-worker, His employee. Accept Him... He has already accepted you, and He's calling you to Him.
All for us. (8)Your body's the bread, and your blood is the wine because you traded your life for mine(8) (Sea of Faces, Kutless).
Anyways, this is incredibly long... regardless, I hope this means something to someone else other than myself out there. Take the time to read this. It's worth it ;)
Thanks PDG for this amazing sermon and an awesome evening (Sunday, March 16th, 2008)
God Bless!!!!
Love is the movement!
TSharr
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Say
Take all of your wasted honour
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
Say what you need to say.
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you only could...
Say what you need to say.
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open.
Say what you need to say.
By John Mayer
From the film, "The Bucket List"
Download it... I'm learning it and it's fun :)
Peace out and God Bless
TSharr
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
Say what you need to say.
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you only could...
Say what you need to say.
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open.
Say what you need to say.
By John Mayer
From the film, "The Bucket List"
Download it... I'm learning it and it's fun :)
Peace out and God Bless
TSharr
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Greetings + Casper
So, I finally decided to make one of these. There has been too many times when there's something that I just need to ramble about, but I either don't have anyone willing to listen to me, or I don't feel like writing ten pages. And I'm actually really excited about making this because it's been proven that writing down your feelings and thoughts and stuff helps you sort it all out, plus maybe I'll gain some knowledge about myself when I look back on all the stuff I wrote.
Anyways, my first post is going to be mainly refering to..... yes, a girl, actually one who I am currently speaking with. You might notice that this is going to be a popular topic with me, seeing as how my life isn't screwed up, and I'm not a deep, life-pondering person... not all the time, anyways. When a girl, especially one I like alot, bothers me, it's a big thing. For privacy purposes, let's just refer to this girl as... Casper... don't ask me why. And who knows? Maybe you've a got a Casper in your life, too.
So, simply put, there's this girl, Casper. I've liked her for years now, and as the years went on, my feelings only grew progressively stronger. They've not wavered nor retreated in any way, shape or form. Recently, not long before Valentines Day, I found out from her directly (even though I'd had many other sources tell me that she did) that she liked me back, and for a long time as well. Cool, right? So I bought her a gift for Valentines Day, everything was cool, and, technically I could say things still are cool. Except, now, I've started to feel like she has a problem acknowledging her feelings for me anywhere where there's another person around. Sometimes I can barely get more than a quick glance, which is extremely frustrating.
Recently, she's started this thing where she calls me "bud" or "buddy." Now, I don't know about other people, but when I say buddy, I'm normally refering to a smaller child, or even an animal or something. Bottom line is, when someone calls me "buddy," it makes me feel belittled. When the girl I've liked for years calls me that, it makes me feel frustrated and basically, it only further drives me to the conclusion that she doesnt like me very much, if at all. This girl is a challenge... and I'm up for the challenge. Honestly, I prefer having to actually work, think, feel, and fight for this girl. She's not like those girls who just like you and make-out with you the first chance they get. I rarely even get hugs, and she only holds my hand in the dark when not many people can see (normally during movies), but then again that doesnt even happen very often any more. I send her a text or two like everyday, or every other day, just inquiring about how school went, or something like that, and she will reply. But I think she's only texted me once (that I can remember) to see whats up or whatever. Am I missing something here? Is it some crazy thing that I didn't hear about where the girls aren't supposed to text the guys?
I fear I have these unhealthy feelings deep inside of me (and I don't think I'm the only one) to make her desire me the way I do her (which is not sexually, but very purely). There's days where I want to make her jealous so that she will want me, or days where I want to go away for a while so that she'll miss me. Stupid stuff like that. But I'm really starting to think she doesn't care. Her close friends reassuring me that she still likes me is no longer a valid means of consolence.
Maybe it's me... I have my days where I can be a little more quiet and subdued, and maybe even a bit awkward. Who doesn't? But I generally go out of my way to speak with her, or I'll text her, or message her somehow, or tell her how awesome she is and how much she means to me. No word of it is a lie. Maybe she was just never really into me in the first place. But then why would she say she was? Why would all her friends be so excited about telling me something she said about me, or telling me that they can't tell me something she said about me? Casper is an Ice Queen! And I'm obviously missing something here. I hate this feeling that I'm in a relationship (no, not a dating one) where I'm doing all the liking and she is just taking it in. I'm so vulnerable to her, and if she was that kind of person, she could tear me down to nothing. (8)I worry, I throw my fear around. But baby, you've got my only heart(8). Anyways, I've said enough for my first entry. I don't know how this site works, or if people comment it or whatever.
Anyways, I'm out. Peace and God Bless.
TSharr
Anyways, my first post is going to be mainly refering to..... yes, a girl, actually one who I am currently speaking with. You might notice that this is going to be a popular topic with me, seeing as how my life isn't screwed up, and I'm not a deep, life-pondering person... not all the time, anyways. When a girl, especially one I like alot, bothers me, it's a big thing. For privacy purposes, let's just refer to this girl as... Casper... don't ask me why. And who knows? Maybe you've a got a Casper in your life, too.
So, simply put, there's this girl, Casper. I've liked her for years now, and as the years went on, my feelings only grew progressively stronger. They've not wavered nor retreated in any way, shape or form. Recently, not long before Valentines Day, I found out from her directly (even though I'd had many other sources tell me that she did) that she liked me back, and for a long time as well. Cool, right? So I bought her a gift for Valentines Day, everything was cool, and, technically I could say things still are cool. Except, now, I've started to feel like she has a problem acknowledging her feelings for me anywhere where there's another person around. Sometimes I can barely get more than a quick glance, which is extremely frustrating.
Recently, she's started this thing where she calls me "bud" or "buddy." Now, I don't know about other people, but when I say buddy, I'm normally refering to a smaller child, or even an animal or something. Bottom line is, when someone calls me "buddy," it makes me feel belittled. When the girl I've liked for years calls me that, it makes me feel frustrated and basically, it only further drives me to the conclusion that she doesnt like me very much, if at all. This girl is a challenge... and I'm up for the challenge. Honestly, I prefer having to actually work, think, feel, and fight for this girl. She's not like those girls who just like you and make-out with you the first chance they get. I rarely even get hugs, and she only holds my hand in the dark when not many people can see (normally during movies), but then again that doesnt even happen very often any more. I send her a text or two like everyday, or every other day, just inquiring about how school went, or something like that, and she will reply. But I think she's only texted me once (that I can remember) to see whats up or whatever. Am I missing something here? Is it some crazy thing that I didn't hear about where the girls aren't supposed to text the guys?
I fear I have these unhealthy feelings deep inside of me (and I don't think I'm the only one) to make her desire me the way I do her (which is not sexually, but very purely). There's days where I want to make her jealous so that she will want me, or days where I want to go away for a while so that she'll miss me. Stupid stuff like that. But I'm really starting to think she doesn't care. Her close friends reassuring me that she still likes me is no longer a valid means of consolence.
Maybe it's me... I have my days where I can be a little more quiet and subdued, and maybe even a bit awkward. Who doesn't? But I generally go out of my way to speak with her, or I'll text her, or message her somehow, or tell her how awesome she is and how much she means to me. No word of it is a lie. Maybe she was just never really into me in the first place. But then why would she say she was? Why would all her friends be so excited about telling me something she said about me, or telling me that they can't tell me something she said about me? Casper is an Ice Queen! And I'm obviously missing something here. I hate this feeling that I'm in a relationship (no, not a dating one) where I'm doing all the liking and she is just taking it in. I'm so vulnerable to her, and if she was that kind of person, she could tear me down to nothing. (8)I worry, I throw my fear around. But baby, you've got my only heart(8). Anyways, I've said enough for my first entry. I don't know how this site works, or if people comment it or whatever.
Anyways, I'm out. Peace and God Bless.
TSharr
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
